Crush, addiction, love
by Fate4Destiny
Summary: Reader x Balthazar, Castiel, Gabriel. Destiel. Castiel: "It's like Dean is my crush and you're my addiction." Balthazar: Fallen from heaven. Fallen for each other. Gabriel: "I know you love me."


Reader x Balthazar

reader x Gabriel

reader x Castiel

dean x Castiel aka Destiel

You laid sprawled out on the couch, your silver wings- white with just a dusting of grey- were draped on the couch. Across from you was Thalia, Greek muse of comedy, and Erato, muse of lyric poetry and hymns, was beside you. You were making a present for Gabriel, and having the Goddess of humour might help you.

Gabriel was gone for the day, delivering some 'just desserts'. It was the perfect time to make him a present since he tended to pop in whenever, wherever. Luckily he was more aware of social normality then some other angels, but he simply didn't care that much. He loved making a scene, annoying people in small ways. It brought him laughs, the only thing which could wash away his inner sorrow.

You cut out another photo as you heard the doorbell ring. You glanced at one of the muses before going back to your project, creating a perfect photo album of your time with Gabriel... Why was Kali in so many of these? And why did Anubis look so upset at Gabriel for a good six centuries of photos?

"Erato, check who that is. If it's Baubo tell her I'm still not talking to her."

"It's been 420 years." Erato said it in her usual light voice but it sounded very dry. You shrugged, you had your reasons. Erato merely sighed as if the entire world was ending. Thalia laughed at her sister as you worked more on the album.

Eventually Erato came back with someone else following her.

"He's one of your kind."

You glanced up to see Castiel, someone you hadn't see since your last time in heaven. That was during the summer. Sixty seven years ago.

"How's my favourite fallen angel? I heard the news from Gabriel... Though Uriel sent me the memo. So, what brings you to the hang out room of the pagan goddesses?"

Castiel didn't say anything for awhile, tilting his head slightly as he looked around.

"Is Gabriel here?"

"He's busy. I could get him if you want-"

"No. I only want to see you." Now it was your turn to look confused. You and Castiel had known each other for centuries, you always paid him a visit every few decades. But, angels weren't the most sociable creatures. And Gabriel could prove useful to Castiel and his human hunters. You couldn't.

"Is this because I threw Uriel off of heaven? Because that wasn't my intention-" You winced at the memory. It was an accident, but still sent Uriel hurling to the ground. He managed to fly back up, looking rather mangled. He didn't 'fall', that would require his grace to be torn out. But it wasn't exactly a graceful (no pun intended) fall.

"No. I need your... skill." Castiel bowed his head slightly as he tried to phrase it.

"What skill?" Thalia spoke with a grin and you gave a small frown.

"Alright, all pagans out!"

Erato and Thalia took their sweet time leaving, and you cursed the fact all your friends were immortal and did have all the time in the world. Thus Gods tended to be late often and unable to actually hurry up.

They were finally behind your front door a good ten minutes later. You locked the door behind them then looked up at Castiel, leaning against the door.

"So in Thalia's words, 'what skill?'"

"You have much more knowledge about what Sam calls 'social norms'... And I want to do something, but am unsure how to proceed." Castiel looked like this problem was eating him out and you walked into the kitchen with a small 'follow me'.

You poured in some water to fill the silver kettle then placed it on a stove ringer, turning it to max. You pulled out a box of teabags and two cups, setting it all up. Castiel observed closely but didn't understand.

"What are you doing?"

"Making tea. And don't worry, Amaterasu taught me how to make it. It'll help your soothe your nerves. You are always too tense."

Castiel never thought about it, how could he? His mind was always thinking about Lucifer and Michael's fighting, being able to concentrate on many things all at once with an angelic mind. So how could he not be tense? Always being watched over by the other angels. And now, he had to prove to all of heaven that he fell for a good reason. He had to help save all of humanity. So, how could he be calm? He couldn't believe he was asking what he was. He should have simply focused on the war at hand...

He must have sunk too deeply in his thoughts, or you used some angelic abilities, because he know had a cup of steaming tea before him. He picked it up and took a large gulp. His eyes then widened, mouth agape and trying to consume more oxygen and letting it out as if that would help. His tongue was now burnt. He rubbed it against the top of his mouth to see if he could regain his feeling in it.

"I should have warned you... But what's wrong, Castiel? Besides the tea being too hot?"

You walked behind him, placing one hand in his messy dark hair. You rubbed with your finger as the angel visibly seemed to relax under such a simple touch. He had missed you. Missed the way you could act like a mother at these moments. Missed your touch, your calm voice. He even missed the scent you wore; pomegranate, spikenard, camphire and the faint smell of ash. The very scent of the Garden of Eden. That alone was a rare treat he personally and secretly enjoyed. Even when he had tried to reconstruct it himself, he just couldn't. He ended up with dyed fingers for a month from the camphire, also known as henna.

As your hands went to the base of his neck he fought the urge to throw his head back. Angels weren't one for physical touching. And nobody had touched him so tenderly while he was in this vessel. His heart raced and a blush crept up his neck where your hands were. He hoped you'd blame the colour on the rubbing done by your hands.

When he was in your arms, his head against your chest and no more worries in the world, you smiled softly. You then whispered into his ears, his blue eyes half-lidded in some kind of lust.

"Tell me why you came here. What needed human normality which your human friends couldn't help you with?"

"I wanted to give Dean a present. To make him like me." Castiel's voice was murmured as he shifted in your arms. You kissed his temple and sunk a bit of your grace over his body. You could feel his wings trying to manifest against your stomach. You held them back with your own grace as you looked into Castiel's eyes from his side.

"Everybody already likes you."

"But he doesn't like me as like-like. Sam said when he did, we'd be a couple. And I think that would be better... Would it?"

Castiel's voice sounded confused as if he was still deciding about this newly presented option. You kissed his cheek this time, the sensitive angel turning his head to get more of it. You obliged by another kiss, this time on his jaw.

"You do like physical touching. A human mate would provide you with that. Angels prefer doing such things in their original form, not a vessel. But some like Balthazar and Gabriel don't mind it. I think they rather like it."

You gave a light laugh after indulging yourself in another brief kiss on the angel.

"They're hedonistic. And that lifestyle has been growing on you."

You gave a soft frown before turning away and leaving the room. You came back in a few moments, Castiel drinking the tea now rather calmly. You only hoped he used some of his powers to make it colder. Or else his tongue would be scalded.

You placed the picture on the smooth countertop, and Castiel slide it closer to himself with a finger. It was a family photo, if it could be called anything. You, Gabriel, and Castiel in vessels. Gabriel and you were in the vessels you both used now. Castiel was in a younger and different one. To many of the angels he was considered a teenager in age. Until he reached a full two millennia, many would still have that belief in heaven. But his wisdom was already one brought on by centuries of experience.

"What's this for?"

"I have doubles of that one. You can keep it. And oh, I have this one to."

The next photo showed Balthazar and Castiel, Balthazar with an arm around the other angel and a wine glass nearby. He would often be in France when he came to Earth. That was about one or two centuries ago. Before Balthazar faked his death.

"I forgot we took photos. We all assumed we'd live forever with each other. Before you left, before Gabriel left, before Balthazar died... Thank you."

Castiel took the photos and slipped them into an inner pocket of his trench coat. He knew an angel shouldn't care for material objects, so he promised himself he'd try to recollect the memories later to not value the ink and paper itself. But now, he wanted to spend more time with you. Finish what he came for, etc.

"No problem. Humans do this all the time for their family and friends... So, a present? Gabriel still may be better at that. He could snap his fingers and it'd appear."

"You have a point-"

"But, humans like presents which you made yourself. Gabriel making them is like buying them in a store. So, from what I've heard of rumours, your hunter likes pie and his car. What else?"

Castiel didn't give an answer and you leaned over the counter, prompting him on.

"Well, what does he like, Castiel?"

"Pie and his Impala."

"... Well, you should talk to him a bit more before you date him. Even Aphrodite and the cupids would agree with me. So, since I don't care for cars- it's just another human trend which will vanish in less then a century- we'll bake a pie. Alright?"

Castiel gave a nod and you glanced around the kitchen.

"I know I have some cooking things because Hera gave me a gift-card to one of those home appliance stores. The question is, where is it?" You tilted your head in a way you weren't sure you stole from Castiel or vice versa. After spending a millennia together, you tended to forget trivial matters. You began opening cabinets only to find flasks and bottles. Wine from the Greek gods, sake from the Shinto gods, and vodka... Who gave you vodka?!

You shook your head and merely pulled out a bottle of semi-holy wine (holy wine being the only thing which could make angels drunk like humans with normal wine). You'd drink with him a bit later. When the pie was cooking.

You found your baking things and placed them lightly on the counter. You then pulled out your phone to look up a recipe.

"What flavour does he like?"

"Any."

"Then there's this one I heard about. Marshmallow and chocolate. Or is that too childish?"

"Isn't it all just food?"

"Very true. Now, lose your trench coat and come over here."

"But how do I lose it when I know its location?"

You took in a deep breath of air, this would be a long day. You took Castiel's tie, jacket, and coat off yourself, placing them on an empty chair. You then pulled him behind the counter.

"Alright, so pie crust first. Get me the flour."

Castiel moved away as you chose the right measuring cup. He then came back with a vase of orchids.

"Wrong flower. F-L-O-U-R."

"Oh..." The angel put the vase back then found the bag of flour. He dumped some in the bowl, the bag heaving sideways and falling. He ended up dumping most of the large bag, about four mixing bowls full on the ground.

"Not that much..."

"Oh..."

"Just clean it up and I'll do the rest."

Castiel looked around for some cleaning supplies as you got another mixing bowl. You added shortening, salt, sugar, and was about to add some water when you heard some sloshing. You looked down at the bottle you held. Did you spill any?

You then felt your feet get wet.

"Castiel!"

You leaped on the counter, breathing slightly harsher.

"I was trying to clean the mess... Are you alright?"

"Ya, last time water hit me Vedenemo was trying to drown me."

"How long ago was that?"

"About seven hours. Thor had to save me as some sort of favour for Loki... I live a confusing life. Now, rule number one, don't clean flour with water. Or else, it clumps together. You could have just swept it up."

"Oh..." Was that all he was going to say?

"I should have told you that. Come here, we'll leave that mess for later... Get me some eggs."

"From what bird?"

"From the fridge. They need to go in here."

You added some information so Castiel wouldn't go out and bring you an ostrich egg or something. You forgot to mention the fact the eggs had to be cracked. They were dropped into the bowl with enough force they broke.

"You have to crack the egg. You can't have the shell inside."

You tried to stay calm as you scooped it out, happy your mixture wasn't liquid-like so it would sink to the bottom. Patience, you reminded yourself. He doesn't do human things like you do. You remembered the days Gabriel wanted to choke you over how much inhuman you could act. Patience is a virtue. Be a paragon of patience. Because patience is important...

"Can I mix? I've seen people do this before."

"Sure." Castiel began stirring with too much strength, causing loose flower to fill the air and cover you in a layer of powder

Patience is fleeing...

The angel continued mixing, his strength driving the whisk straight through the bowl. It cracked.

Patience is almost gone...

The bowl broke apart and fell to the ground, the dough full of the wet flour and broken pieces of plastic.

Patience has now left the kitchen, and is running towards the door. Why was there no god of patience?

"How does Elerial do this?" You thought out loud though you could have done it in your head. Castiel could read minds after all.

"I'm sorry." The words were in his mind, not leaving his lips. You could hear them though, his grace trying to reach yours as if searching for forgiveness. You stepped over the mess then put a hand against his cheek.

"Don't worry about it. Doing human things takes a lot of time and practice. Why don't you go read a book or something while I bake the pie?"

Castiel's grace suddenly wrapped around you, his wings manifested and hugging you though his vessel's body was still stiff.

"Castiel?"

"The last time you told me that, you were in the middle of fighting with Michael. And you never came back for three centuries."

"Cas, I just didn't want you in the middle of that. It doesn't mean I'll leave. It just means that I need some space, and no more messes. Do whatever you please as long as it won't create a mess. Got it?"

Castiel's wings slowly vanished again, his grace sinking back in his vessel. He gave a nod then walked to another room. He was soon looking through the photos as you turned to the mess on the ground.

Even though you already claimed it before, it would be a long, long day.

~XxX~

The pie was in the oven when you picked up the bottle of semi-holy wine and two wine glasses. You went into the living room where Castiel was still glancing through the photos.

"There's so many of you with Balthazar... It's my fault he's dead."

"I know. And I won't blame you. He chose to get involved again. Everyone makes mistakes. And these days, our family is turning on itself. I count his death as a death from this battle. And I just want that over. Not an apology."

Castiel picked up a photo of Balthazar and you kissing. It was rather modern and he flipped it over to read an inscription.

"Fallen from heaven. Fallen for each other. -Balthazar... He was your mate, wasn't he?"

You poured out the wine and gave one to Castiel. You then sipped it as you leaned back on the couch. How to explain it to an angel?

"We weren't life mates. But we did 'mate'. We loved each other, but knew it would pass. A brief kind of love. Like a summer crush. We fell so hard for each other suddenly, never leaving each other for a few weeks. Gabriel took those photos because he was convinces in a hundred years, we'd laugh about it. He was wrong, the first time he ever was."

"... So are you Gabriel's mate then?"

"Kind of. We're more like partners. Best friends. We even share this house. Like you and Sam or Dean."

"But do you mate with him?"

A small blush fell over your cheeks. Why did Castiel care so much? He said it himself. Balthazar, Gabriel and you were hedonistic.

"Sometimes, yes. He has multiple mates."

"Don't you want someone to be loyal to you and be a life mate?"

You gave a forced smile as you looked at Castiel. Did he believe in those fairy tale endings? It was how an angel lived, but heaven seemed so far from reality. 'Reality' was something only humans seemed to have control over.

"Its very difficult for a human to accomplish that. People change over time. And they have a different concept of time. A deadline on their lives. That itself causes them to think about 'lifetime' somethings differently."

"But you're an angel. Not human."

"Doesn't matter. You can call me impure and tainted if you want. I'll say I gained some humanity. The first one I loved is a trickster who thinks no more of me then various other women he mates with. The second was a love we were both drowning in. Almost too quickly, much too deep. It was perfect. But he's gone now. And my last possibility likes someone else."

Castiel nodded along, not imagining that the last 'possibility' was him. The angel of the lord looked at you with blue eyes somewhat confused, somewhat nervous.

"So it is possible to love more than one person?"

"Yes. Some people say that's not true love then. But I disagree. It can all be true love, and it doesn't even have to be at different times. Why?"

"Because I really do like Dean."

"I know." You gave a calm nod and Castiel then shifted to lean closer to you.

"But I also could never want to live a life without you. I've thought about it. It's family love, a friendship. But more than that. It's like Dean is my crush and you're my addiction."

You didn't say anything, trying to think logically. Castiel liked you back. But it was just a crush on your part, right? He wanted a fairy tale ending. That could only come with Dean. You already had a relationship with Gabriel. But Gabriel wouldn't care. Heck, he'd endorse it.

You staid quiet but stood up. You were soon beside Castiel, laying your lips on his stubble beside his mouth.

"If you want the perfect ending, you have to go with Dean."

"I don't want perfect. You've been on my mind for the last few centuries. It's been a few mere years with Dean."

"But look how much you love him already. It took a millennia for us to even like each other being nearby. You deserve your happy ending."

"Why can't I have that ending with you?"

You gave a sad smile, he was really confused. He didn't want to give either options up.

There was a shrill beeping and you kissed Castiel's cheek before getting up and checking on the pie. You slipped it out of the oven and placed it on the counter before looking for some type of box Castiel could place it in to bring to Dean.

The angel followed you, watching your movements. The way your eyes searched for the box, the way your body swayed as you moved cabinet to cabinet. Your slight frown of annoyance when you couldn't find it. The way your eyes lite up when you did. Your arching wings which you had manifested unknowingly when you kissed him. They were gorgeous. You were gorgeous. No wonder Gabriel and Balthazar had already claimed you. It took him too long to realize his own emotions. It felt like he already lost with you. But he still couldn't stop watching you.

"Hmm, almost as delicious as you."

The voice was new and muffled, and both you and Castiel looked to see Gabriel eating a slice of the pie.

"Gabriel, that wasn't for you!"

"Who else could it be for?" Gabriel gave a small grin as he took another large bite of it. You were an amazing cook, he decided.

You frowned and his smile became more sincere, yet his voice was laced with amusement.

"You know you love me~." He was speaking the truth but you pretended to ignore it. He would have to show you.

He slipped of the counter and gave you a light kiss on your lips, his own sticky with the sugar from the marshmallows and coated in melted chocolate. You kissed and licked them clean, rolling your eyes at the flavour.

"What should I do about Dean's gift now?"

Castiel looked at you as if Gabriel wasn't even there. With an adorable expression of being lost. You wanted to hug him but decided on simply answering his question. You pushed Gabriel away who gave a mock upset face. He then went back to eating the pie. Well, that showed his priorities pretty well.

"Gabriel, make us a pie."

Gabriel snapped his fingers at your request and a perfectly baked apple pie appeared. He snapped again and it was wrapped up in a box with a bow. With a single piece of paper reading To Dean from Castiel. To show my love.

If Castiel was more human, he would have blushed. Instead he looked up at Gabriel, his eyes seemingly destined to always be confused.

"How did you know?"

Gabriel practically chocked on the pie.

"What? You're serious? I thought this was a prank."

Gabriel looked helpless that moment as he glanced at you then Castiel.

"My little brother can't be in love. He's too adorable. And besides, a human? Okay, I'll admit I fell a little when I dated pagans, but I only slept with them. I wasn't in love..."

Gabriel hid his face in his hands and murmured something too low to hear in Enochian. He then looked at Castiel and cracked a smile. As if he made up some decision in his mind.

"Don't worry, Cas. I'll make sure he loves you. Tell if he doesn't I'll make his life hell. Worse than the actual hell. Okay~?" Gabriel sounded playful but was rather serious in his threat. Castiel was his last brother with some respect and love for the rogue archangel.

"I don't see how he would like that, but okay."

Gabriel smiled and with a snap of his fingers Castiel was before Dean, his trench coat, jacket, and tie still on your countertop. This made Castiel fell rather bare as he held the gift out to Dean. The hunter looked at the card then opened it up. Dean gave a smile and Castiel felt his heart beat quicker. Perhaps you were right, this was happy ending.

Gabriel meanwhile placed his head on your lap, the photo album opened to see a picture of the archangels. He flipped it quickly, seeing one of you two and Balthazar.

"We were the perfect trio."

"Yeah..."

"I know you miss him."

You bowed your head, lost in the memories of Balthazar so soon. That love had been real. How could it ever be replaced?

When you opened your eyes to see the golden champagne coloured ones back, you knew this could be just as strong. And when you two lounged about the rest of the day, drinking the wine Castiel didn't touch and looking at photos, you started to want your love with Gabriel to be just as strong as the last one.

**~~~~~LIST OF GODS AND GODDESSES REFERRED TO IN THIS STORY. Not in any order~~~~~**

**Vedenemo: aka mother of waters, Karelian (think Finland) goddess of water. **

**Thalia and Erato: Greek muses, which provide creativity and inspiration. There are seven others. Thalia is the muse of comedy, Erato the muse of lyric poetry and hymns (as mentioned in the story)**

**Thor: Scandinavian mythology. Mostly known as God of thunder. Brother to Loki (an (evil) trickster god who Gabriel plays in Supernatural)**

**Kali: Hindu Goddess of destruction. In supernatural, she had a love affair with Gabriel**

**Anubis: Egyptian mythology. God of mummification and protector of tombs. **

**Amaterasu: Shinto religion (Japan). Main deity of Shintoism. Goddess of the sun. **

**Garden of Eden: I know in Supernatural it changes per personal perspective, but in various religious texts it has pomegranates, spikenard, and camphire. The 'smell of ash' comes from (in certain religious texts) after God cast the first humans out, he made an angel watch over it. The angel had a flaming sword. ((Why is that not in supernatural?! It would look awesome))**

**Hera: Greek mythology. Queen of heaven. Wife of Zeus. Marriage Goddess. **

**Baubo: Greek mythology. Has to do with female sexuality and 'the power of laughing'. She has multiple names.**

**Elerial: an angel. Their name means patience, and sometimes called the angel of patience. **

**Aphrodite: Greek mythology. Goddess of beauty, fertility, and sexual love. She is known as Venus in Roman mythology. **

**Cupids: In supernatural, but here's the pagan part of it: Roman god of love. In Greek mythology, he is known as Eros (still a god of love).**

**Enochian: what some believe is the language of the angels. **


End file.
